This post is a departure from my usual postings.  The process of adopting our second child brought to mind the idea that sometimes life doesn’t always follow the carefully planned path you laid out.  Opening your mind to the idea of something unexpected may reap the greatest rewards.

Back when we submitted our paperwork to adopt our second child from China, we thought we had it all figured out – been there, done that.  We were the proud parents of a 3 year-old daughter whom we adopted from China in 2005.  We put together the mountain of paperwork, completed all of our requirements and off to China the dossier went.  We also knew that when we received our next daughter, her name was going to be Sarah Rose.  We realized it could be a bit of a wait compared to when we adopted our daughter (a total of one year from the exact moment we decided we wanted to pursue an adoption until we received that ever-precious referral photo!)  We had no idea what was in store for us over the next few years… 

Fast forward 5 years, paperwork renewed 4 times, a second home study completed when we moved from Virginia to Oklahoma, our original adoption agency going out of business, and a very impatient 8 year old girl wondering when we would ever get her little sister.  We were beginning to think that our joke might come true – our daughter would be a freshman in high school before we would travel to China again!

A few people had spoken with us about the possibility of going the “Special Needs/Waiting Child” route to complete our family.  We really didn’t give it much thought.  Honestly, we did not consider ourselves “special” enough to deal with the myriad of issues that could come with adopting a child with special needs.  The traditional non-special needs adoption was our comfort zone, we understood the process, and we wanted a child as young as possible. 

After a few friends followed their hearts and adopted children that were on the Waiting Child lists, it piqued our curiosity.  These children had little to no health issues; they lived the same lives as their siblings.  Why would they be considered “special needs”?  At this point, we started poking around the waiting child page on our agency’s website.  We were still hesitant to make that leap - what if the issues were more severe than what we would be told up front?  What if the child refused to attach to us because they were older?  We came up with a million reasons why we were not able to consider this option.  So we continued to wait, and wait, and wait.

I always believe that God speaks to us when we are ready to open our hearts and listen.  He spoke to my husband in a dream when we were first considering adoption.  He told us we would have a daughter with dark hair.  We figured that was a sign that we needed to act upon!   As we had been lurking in the shadows of the Waiting Child list, we received the monthly update, listing the existing waiting children.  Honestly, we had not looked at this list in a long time – typically I just deleted it as soon as it hit our inbox.  However, on June 8^th of this year, something made me open this email, open the website, and there he was – this adorable little boy with a repaired cleft lip.  As I read his profile, I called my husband over to read it as well and it just kind of hit us out of the blue – we wanted more information on this little boy.  Immediately we sent out a request for information and waited (it was a Friday night, so we knew we would probably not hear anything until Monday.)  We tried not to get too excited, as we didn’t know if his file was still available.  We cautiously told our parents, also warning them not to get overly excited, as we did not have a lot of information on him yet.  

Monday came and we received an email with a comprehensive overview of this precious child.  It didn’t take long for us to fall in love with his sweet little face smiling at us from each picture we opened on our smartphones.  Once we had an opportunity to review all of the paperwork, it became apparent that he was supposed to be a member of our family.

Throughout the process of submitting the necessary paperwork, one of the questions posed, was the impact on our family a special needs child would create.  As a parent we realized that a special need wasn’t an impact, it was simply taking care of your child.  Yes, we realized this child would have additional medical needs, but after we did our research, it wasn’t as scary as we originally thought.

Due to the fact that we kept our paperwork up to date, it was amazing how quickly the process flowed.  From the time we first saw our son’s photo, it was exactly two months later that we were sitting on an airplane on our way to China.  Needless to say, it was an extremely dynamic couple of months.  We had to move our preparations into warp speed.  All of the things we didn’t think we would have to worry about for quite some time became extremely important.  We needed to get a bedroom ready, we needed to childproof the house, and pull out all of the baby items we saved from the first time around. 

While we were in the throws of preparation, we realized we didn’t have a name for this little guy.  Of course we couldn’t call him Sarah, as we thought it might make him the subject of ridicule and he would probably object to that, as he got older!  We started throwing out names, but we just couldn’t figure out what to name him.  After a couple of days struggling with this, his name came to us and we all liked it.  The most difficult part of this whirlwind preparation was complete!  Now all we needed to do was board a plane to China and go get our boy!

Our trip was an amazing event for all of us, especially for our daughter, as she finally got the sibling she had been wanting for so long.  The morning we received our son was filled with excitement, anxiety, and great anticipation.  We wondered if he would want to have anything to do with us?  We had prepared our daughter and ourselves for the possibility that the baby would cry and not want to be with us initially.  As the many children arrived that morning, each family experienced something different – some children cried, and some appeared shy.  After 5 ½ long years waiting, we spotted him being carried into the room.  As they placed that precious little boy in our arms, any fears we had about not being able to parent a “special needs” child disappeared – he was simply our son and we all loved him immediately.  Despite the craziness of the office, the noise and number of people everywhere, he didn’t cry or try to get away from us; he came to us immediately.  Although he was only 15 months old at the time, it seemed as if he knew that he was becoming a part of our family and he was happy with that!  We will always treasure the memories of his first smile and laugh brought to us by his sister playing with him.

In the beginning of this process we thought we had it all figured out.  We knew exactly how this was all going to play out – we would get our referral, travel to China to bring Sarah home and live happily ever after as parents of two girls.  As you can see, life does not always follow the path that you expect it to.  Had we not opened our hearts and minds to the prospect of a Waiting Child adoption, we would not have our son. Not a child with a special need, but our 21 month-old sweet, energetic, sometimes stubborn, rambunctious, and amazing addition to our family.  

It goes to show you that not everything in life requires the best laid plan; sometimes the best things come from moments when you open yourself and your heart to possibilities. 

A corporate buyout has just occurred.  One side is exceedingly happy about the opportunity to grow their organization.  The other side is experiencing a stressful, confusing, and overall frightening existence, as they are unsure what will happen to their positions within the new regime?

This made me think about the strange existence of the leadership on the executive level during a situation such as this.  We all know that when a merger takes place, the highest-level executives are shown the door pretty quickly once the ink is dry on the agreement.  These executives are typically paid a significant sum of money when they complete their tenure with the organization.  I became curious about the way employees view their leadership during a time such as this; versus the way an executive views their remaining time with the organization.    

In this scenario, your leadership must strengthen and become more evident and bolder.  Your team members who dedicated themselves to you and the success of the acquired company are now in a state of limbo.  Let’s examine the following questions you should prepare yourself to answer and ponder in order to help your associates.

As a leader, at what point is it okay to stop caring?  With all of the corporate mergers and acquisitions, at some point, you may be downsized out of a job.  This is especially true for those at the executive level.  Do you still care about what is going on with your employees after you have been informed that your tenure with the organization is limited?   In the case of an organizational acquisition, the top executives usually leave with a large sum of money while the remaining employees may not fare as well.  If you are a leader in this situation, how does this scenario play out for you?  Are you actively engaged with those within your organization, or do you just sit back and bide your time?  Do you believe that caring is not worth your time, as you cannot make a difference if you are not going to be there for the long term? 

How many leaders in this position make this mistake?  An organization going through an acquisition creates a great deal of confusion and fear.  Employees are just looking for leadership to provide guidance and some sense of normalcy.  By taking an attitude of indifference, this destroys what is left of employee morale – if their leader doesn’t care, then why should they?

While many executives are waiting to pull the ripcord to their “golden parachutes” they should take a step back from the edge to consider the implications of their actions.  Should leadership be conditional?  Do you lead your organization until the last day you are employed, or do you stop caring when that date is written on the calendar?

As an Executive in an acquired firm, you realize that your days are numbered and you will be monetarily rewarded for your efforts and leadership.  After all, you helped make the company desirable for someone else to want to acquire it.  You also realize that if your company was publicly held, your team will realize you are getting a “golden parachute”. What your team may not realize is that once the agreement is signed, you are no longer a decision maker.  You will often be left out of key decisions or left in the dark when decisions are made.   This places you in a difficult position.  Your team will look for you to still be a leader (after all they have been following you during their career) but you have no power to influence or change things.  Your position becomes even more challenging when the acquiring firm states how you will or won’t be integral into the future organizational design. 

If you stop caring, you are seen as disengaged and disenfranchised, when in reality you may feel helpless to assist your team during this transition.  Should you just do nothing and become invisible?  Do you leave your team hanging in the balance?  The best solution is no.  You should make yourself more visible at this time.  Bonding with all the members of your team, making friendly conversation instead of merger related talk.  You can still play an integral role in easing your team’s reaction to the transition.  Plus if you are experienced in mergers and acquisitions, your insights and experience may provide hope for your team and improve their position.  Let’s face it; your team may lose the most core of their needs, the ability to provide for their family.  Distraction will be immense even though they will try to do their best.  You can still help with coaching them through this change curve.  

What this highlights is whether you are a leader or a manager.  The leader will seize the opportunity to help their employees, understanding their emotional distress.  The manager will say it is business as usual, and they need to do their jobs and it will hopefully work out for them in the end.

Which person are you?  Remember even if you don’t have the “golden parachute,” managers can seize this opportunity to help lead people.  Times of acquisition create an opportunity where people can develop and unveil their true leader inside.  

What happens when as a leader, you are expected to be the champion for change when you may not necessarily agree or believe in the change?

Change can be difficult and it is typically up to the leadership team to communicate a positive, united front to the entire organization.  If you do not agree with the change, do you brush up on your acting skills and pretend that everything is great?  Or, are you honest with your feelings and communicate this to your staff, jeopardizing employee buy-in? 

The question we need to ask ourselves is this – If we as leaders have become award-winning actors, do our employees really buy what we are selling?  Or, do our employees play the same game and pretend they agree with everything you say?  How do we know that we are getting a legitimate buy in from our employees if we are unable to communicate honestly?  

Do you believe that the manner in which you convey your message is all that important to your employees?  When you experience organizational change, do your employees mirror your attitude and/or demeanor, or is their behavior an example of how they truly feel, regardless of your attitude? 

How do you “sell” your story if you do not believe in it?     

We are not really those “difficult” customers.  To us, it is all very simple, if we show up in your establishment just take care of us and be nice.  We are not overly demanding; we just expect that if we show up in your restaurant, then we will pay you to provide us with a meal.  And typically, if you are nice to us in the process, you will end up with a generous tip!

It would have been nice had this scenario taken place this evening.  After a long day we decided to take our children out for a quick meal.  On the request of our daughter, we went to our neighborhood Red Robin (Tulsa Riverside.)  We arrived along with a couple of other families, whom were seated right before us.  After we were seated, we had an opportunity to examine our menus.  And we waited, and waited, and waited some more….  We watched as a server cleaned the tables next to us, we watched as servers walked right past us even as we sat there with our menus still in front of us.  Even the famous turning around and looking annoyed trick did us no good; we just could not get someone to take our order.  Had the restaurant been extremely busy, we could understand it, however the restaurant was not even half full. 

When one of the other families that walked in with us at the same time, actually got their food and began to eat, we decided it was time to go.  We figured if they could ignore us, we could do the same.  While we were walking out, a server who had a tray full of drinks (for a table seated after us) tried to stop us to inquire if anyone had taken our order.  We said no of course not and we continued to walk out.  At this point they tried to chase us down and see if they could get us something for free.  We declined and left.  

Thankfully the Santa Fe Cattle Company in Glenpool, OK was open, and the staff there was more than happy to accommodate us.  In fact, our server, Ashley welcomed us within two minutes of our arrival.  The service was good, the food was great and a stressful evening was salvaged.

Will we return to Red Robin?  Probably not, even though it is relatively close to our home.  We will most definitely return to the Santa Fe Cattle Company in Glenpool even though it is a longer trip.  To us it is worth the trip, as they understand what we want as a customer - excellent service along with a quality meal.  

When I was out driving the other day, I noticed a gaggle of geese flying around up in the air.  They were not flying in the normal “V” formation; they seemed to be just flying around looking rather unorganized.  There was clearly a lead goose, one that was in front of the others, but the rest of the group was all over the place, appearing to not have any clear direction, just managing to stay together up in the air.

While I found this to be odd, I also found this fascinating.  Why were the geese so disorganized?  Was the lead goose trying to get the group back on track, while being ignored by the others? Or, was the lead goose responsible for throwing the rest of the group into a tailspin? 

How many times have we worked with a group and wondered why they could not just pull it together and perform as a well-oiled machine?  Have we considered our leadership role in this dilemma?  We may be responsible for creating chaos within our organizations by not communicating a clear direction.  Yes, you may be trying to lead, but are they following you in the right direction?  Do you continue to follow up with your staff to ensure that chaos has not erupted behind you?

In this example, I wonder if the lead goose knew the others were struggling to follow, or did he just continue to fly, confident that the others were back there doing what they were supposed to do?  Do you continue to fly, assuming that your staff is behind you moving in the right direction?  Sometimes it is necessary to steer from the back – help them find their way by working with them instead of dragging them along for the ride.

You continue to move forward – does your staff follow your direction or are they behind you just flying around in circles?

I am not a political pundit nor do I desire to be one.  What I have is a passion for character-based leadership and analyzing the application of this practice.  With the upcoming United States Presidential Election, I have been struck by how the candidates and press are negotiating their way through this process.  It does not matter what your political affiliation is, whether you are on the right, the left, a moderate, or a tea party advocate; there are certain leadership characteristics you should expect from your candidate.  I would bet it is safe to assume that most people expect that their candidate should be a person who is bold enough to do what is right for the country, and have the ability to influence others to follow suit.

The United States is facing several critical issues just like the rest of the world.  We are still in an economic downturn - a nice expression for a recession bordering on a depression.  Prices continue to increase, while the job market continues to struggle.  The basic staples of life such as food are reaching all time highs along with the consistent increase in the price of gas.  Paying for just the basics has greatly reduced our discretionary income.  Discretionary income is what enables us to purchase what we like; our personal “luxury” items, which continue to drive money into the economic machine.  The more discretionary income available allows the consumer to purchase more, creating a greater need of goods and services.  Personnel are needed to produce additional goods or provide services, therefore creating more jobs in the process.  When you add the complications of the United States’ mounting debt, healthcare and social security, we have an army of critical issues that we need a leader with conviction to stand up and solve. 

As I have been watching the candidates and the press coverage, I am appalled by what I see.  There has only been rhetoric about the economy and having a plan to fix it.  Neither Romney nor Obama have presented a workable solution of how to solve our critical issues.  They spend more time pointing out the deficiencies of the other candidates, or defending things they have done in the past.  If either candidate has a rock-solid plan to fix these issues, are they simply bad leaders because they cannot stay on message or inspire people to follow them on their journey?  The press does an outstanding job flooding the airwaves and social media spheres with a myriad of social issues and how the candidates approach them.  Talk of our looming fiscal disaster takes a back seat to the press coverage of a candidate’s stance on gay marriage, abortion, and the legalization of marijuana.  Let’s take a reality pill here.  While social issues are a hot button for inspiring passion in people, they will not solve the fiscal mess this country is in.  It is not the government’s job to govern morality.  Although it would not be a popular stance, it would be refreshing to see a leader take a stand to fix the economic crisis first, and then work on the other issues after the economy is back on solid ground.

The government has made a mockery of this most recent recession and it is almost comical if it was not so sad.  Our government leaders have highlighted the corruption and greed of the corporate world as a driving factor of why we are in this recession.  I am sure we all remember the auto-manufacturing crisis, when certain CEOs took private jets to Washington, D.C. to ask for federal government relief because the very existence of their organizations depended upon it.  We can look at the bank CEOs who made immense lapses in judgment creating a mountain of bad debt and upside-down mortgages.  The government is coming down on these people and their poor leadership.  Let me state that these CEO’s made severe leadership mistakes that destroyed many lives along the way, and in no way their behavior should be condoned.  We should also take a look at the success of governmental leadership.  The same government that is holding the corporate world accountable is the same government that refuses to work together.  It operates the country in a blazing-red status, ignores the Social Security crisis and is plagued with healthcare issues.  Their primary focus should be getting us out of this recession.  What would happen to you at your job if you acted the same way that our elected officials are behaving?  Unable to focus on their appointed duties because they are too distracted by personal and political biases.  Diversity of thought is supposed to spur innovation, not create children sulking in corners.   This behavior has never been tolerated in my professional career, nor would I find my career very gratifying if I had to work in an environment where these behaviors were accepted.

We need to get around the “critical” press stories of when Romney was employed at Bain Capital and whether or not Obama has a birth certificate.  Does it really matter in the end if one of them can right this sinking ship?  People believe these points highlight a candidate’s credibility.  I think a candidate shows credible leadership if they can articulate a solid, realistic plan.  When I managed those in a customer service role, I had one hard, fast rule – Tell a customer what you can do for them, not what you are unable to do.  I believe the same applies here, tell the American public what you are going to do and how you will get it done.  Forget the rhetoric, people are frustrated and no one is really listening anymore.

From my perspective, common sense dictates that we need to fix our core issues and we need a group of leaders that can deliver on this.  Unfortunately common sense does not appear to be so common anymore.  I do not see candidates rallying around a message and a mission to fix our problems.  I do not hear candidates creating goals with measurable benchmarks on how to improve upon our critical issues.  To the politicians and the press, it is time to take a hard look at our issues and do something.  Do not give us rhetoric, hollow promises and charismatic unrelated speeches.  Each candidate wants to be the “leader of the free world.”  That is all good and fine, but do they truly understand the meaning of the word “leader?”  It may not be the person who can give the greatest speeches, the person who is considered more relevant and hip, or the person who looks most “Presidential.”  Leadership is having a vision, turning that vision into reality and inspiring your followers to join you for this journey.  It is about making decisions that may not always be perceived as popular even though it may be the right thing to do.  Leaders also know that success can only be achieved by solving real problems.   

Democracy is a beautiful thing, as we are allowed freedoms to think and say what we feel.   I am thankful that I live in a country where we have a living, breathing democracy and individuals who have the passion to become an active participant in our political process.  What I am looking for in our government is someone who understands the true meaning of leadership.  I am looking for people who not only want to be involved and make a difference but also make a difference where it is critically important.  Four more years, mirroring the last eight, is something the country and the world cannot handle with the current economic woes.  What do you think would happen if someone called out the United States on its debt?  The lowering of our rating created a negative ripple effect felt all over the world.  Have we not learned anything from our previous mistakes?

I propose a challenge to both President Obama and Mr. Romney.  Show us true leadership by clearly articulating your vision and plan while staying on message.  Would you accept this leadership challenge?

Sports and leadership go hand in hand. We see coaches who inspire and direct players to become winners.  We see extremely talented players learn how to uplift and bring their teams together.  We believe if our children play sports they too will become a leader, right? 

Regardless of what sports team you follow, most teams will have that one player that is the “leader” of the team; one who can inspire and motivate by either words or performance.   This person tends to be an extremely talented player or a very polarizing individual who has found great success in their career. 

What does long term success look like when the so-called “leader’s” ego gets in the way of effective leadership?  I thought about this during the hype surrounding LeBron James and the Miami Heat.  Regardless what side of the LeBron James fence you are on, one cannot deny that he is a tremendous talent on the basketball court.  I think it would be safe to say that he is the undisputed leader of the team.   But, what is the difference between being a leader versus simply trying to outshine everyone else on the team?  Is a leader someone who plays the best, scores the most points, or blocks the most shots?   Or, does a leader give of themselves to make their teammates better players, give up some of the glory to see others succeed, take responsibility when the team is not performing well, or share in the team’s successes?

These thoughts occurred to me after the final game was over, and the Miami Heat won the NBA championship.  Listening to the post-game interviews given by individuals on both teams really made me understand the leadership differences.  For Miami, it seemed to me that there was only a single focus to the success of this organization – LeBron James.  Granted, I did not watch the entire interview, however, the part that I did watch gave me a glimpse into the “leader” of this team.  Phrases such as “I am a champion,” or “This is the greatest moment of my life,” were plentiful, while phrases such as “we performed well together as a team,” or “I would not be here without my teammates,” were lacking.  

On the other hand, it was refreshing to listen to Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, from the Oklahoma City Thunder during their press conference.  Although they were suffering a disappointing ending to their NBA finals, they stressed how much playing together with that team meant to them, how they would not want to be anywhere else.  They shared in their team’s success as well as the loss.

What kind of leadership do you exhibit?  Are you such a great leader that you don’t need to be concerned with the rest of your team – it is all about you?  Or, do you understand that leadership is not about being the smartest, most talented person in the room.  Leadership is about meeting the needs of everyone on your team and cultivating their individual talents to help them grow stronger together.

As a leader, how willing are you to open yourself up to the possibility of looking ridiculous in public?  Do you believe your employees will think less of you if you do something completely silly and off the wall? 

Leaders often complain how difficult it is to connect with their employees.  While our employees may have different life experiences, the common thread that can tie us together is laughter. 

I got to witness this first hand this evening, at a minor league baseball game.  The company where my husband is employed had a family outing at the ballpark.   Anyone who has ever attended a minor league baseball game has seen the lengths the staff goes to in order to entertain the crowds during a break in the action.  What makes these events especially funny is the fact that they pull spectators out of the crowd and attempt to make them look foolish. 

Tonight was no different.  The staff made the rounds to select people to participate in the different events, and my husband either drew the shortest straw, or was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  He and one of his employees were picked to participate in one of the events.  While they nervously anticipated the middle of the 8^th inning, they were getting advice and/or ribbing from the other employees. 

Their time finally came, and they were led out onto the field for their “physical challenge” of running, doing push-ups, sit-ups and jumping jacks.  And sure enough, my husband rolled with it, and did a great job all the while getting cheered on by his fellow employees. 

He was not exactly thrilled about going out onto the baseball field for the purpose of publicly embarrassing himself, however, it sent a great message to his employees – don’t take yourself too seriously, and you open up an interesting dialogue with your staff.  After the race was over, my husband kept running into co-workers who were cracking up over the videos they shot of his performance, asking how soon the video would appear online?  (For the record, it only took me about an hour to post it online – with his permission of course!)

If you jump way outside your comfort zone, this could be your golden opportunity to connect with your employees, to show them you are just like everyone else – you like to have fun and have a good laugh, even if it means you may look a bit silly in the end.